A year gone by - a reflection

25 June, 2020

A year ago today I returned to the United States. I walked through the gate at the airport waving bye to my friends and family who had supported me and cared for me during a time when I knew no one, and biting back tears long enough to make it on to the plane. The exchange students who I had relied on because they were the only ones who could even begin to understand the wonderful and terrifying emotional turmoil that we had all experienced during our exchange were there My host families and Mandarin teachers who had taken me into their homes and, usually, patiently taught me their language, culture, and lifestyles, took videos as they called out 愛妳喔! (love you) or 我們會想念妳! (we will miss you) On the plane I took out the Taiwanese flag that was covered with Sharpie messages that I had saved for that moment. I turned my head towards the window in hopes that my silent, fast tears would not disturb the passenger seated next to me.

A layover in Japan and then another in Atlanta, Georgia. As the officer waved me through the gate after checking my passport he said "welcome home." My chest swelled with excitement and nervousness as I thought of seeing my family again in a few hours. As we flew towards South Bend the sky started to darken both because of the nearing end of a seemingly endless day and from an approaching storm. Nearing our arrival, we were informed that due to tornadoes in South Bend we would be landing in Fort Wayne until it would be safe. Two thoughts ran through my head. First, it has been ten months since I last saw my family, and now the universe is dangling them just out of reach? Secondly, its a sign. Its almost definitely a sign. Take me back to Taiwan! I went home too early and the universe knows it!

I saw their faces and started an odd, happy run towards them. My family and my best friend. Holding flowers and smiling. We did not cry. We laughed and smiled despite their exhaustion from waiting due to the delay and mine from traveling. I talked at them as fast as I could, non stop, about my stories of Taiwan.

It did not stop, or even slow, for another month. It seemed, to those around me, that it was all I talked about. My stories continued, and continue with steadily less frequency. I drove them mad, especially my friends and twin brother who were around my age. Their annoyance, in turn, annoyed me; how could they be so insensitive? This was almost an entire year of my life that I had experienced without them! The most important one thus far! How can they not understand that it is all I think about? My parents were patient and supportive but I could tell that their interest waned quickly. My sister, who had been an exchange student, and other exchange students seemed to be the only ones who cared.
In retrospect, there was no way for those who had never experienced an exchange to understand. The constant stream of stories was probably exhausting and infuriating. I was being just as unsympathetic as I thought them to be.

When the awe of being home wore off, I sunk into a low that dipped into depression at times. I longed for every aspect of the exchange. The close friends who were at most, a metro ride away. The easy-going feel to the school. The marvel of my classmates. The glorious spontaneity of every moment that had been replaced with the dull rhythm of a school routine so familiar that nothing was surprising or exciting. The food that always new and culture that I had spent ten months trying to understand only to leave. I missed all of it.

It was a constant struggle that got easier as the days flashed by. However, despite my greatest efforts not to be a ghost that is stuck in another time, I still find myself sinking back to that low point at times. I slowly had to learn how to replace the associated feelings of loss with a feeling of thankfulness with my memories of exchange. Every time a smell, flavor, or image took me straight back to the bustling, beautiful city I had to tell myself, until it became real, that my smile was not one of a sad remembrance but a joyous one. In other words, I had to learn to let go.

My experience on exchange opened my eyes, not only to another culture but to the one that I was born into as well. I learned that I was stronger than I could have ever imagined. I was powerful enough to learn another language and to influence those around me. I was brave enough to be alone and to be unsure. Exchange had sculpted me. Upon my return home I was more confident and more knowing.

If you get the chance, take it! Experience it so that you can discover yourself and your own, personal culture. Do not worry about the things that you will not be able to control through your journey, you are not expected to be able to control them. I am often asked the question of whether it was worth it. The hard times on exchange and the even harder times returning. My answer is yes. A million times YES! Do it! Fight for it! The reason that exchange students long for exchange so much once it ends is because it is AMAZING while it is happening. And when you do return home, be thankful for and celebrate your time on exchange. It is okay to miss it but fight falling into that void.

A year has gone by since I returned to the states from my exchange in Taiwan.

I met so many amazing people who have made an irreversible impact on me, I did things that I never imagined that I was capable of, and I tried things I never knew existed. I am thankful for every moment of it. For every person who influenced me and for every moment of culture that I experienced. Leaving, a year ago, was the hardest thing I have ever done. And yet, here I am, still standing. I miss everyone terribly. But, the memories that we shared now make me smile with joy rather than loss.

     If you are an exchange student in Taiwan, as you will see in my blog, you will probably be expected to do some presentations. I decided to post the last one that I did as an exchange student. I also used this exact presentation after returning home when I presented to my club, Sunrise Granger Rotary. I actually left the presentation in Mandarin and spoke English to the audience so that they had to listen (and because I was lazy and did not want to redo it). Unfortunately, in this format we loose all the flashy animations and transitions (aw snap!) In this post, I will cut the part with the random facts about the U.S. and Indiana, because we want to hear about exchange! 

It actually ends up being somewhat of a summary of this blog and my exchange

Hello, my name is Autumn or Ding Wanqiu, I was an exchange student in Taiwan when I was 16

Interviewing for exchange: stressful but successful 

Christmas conference with other outbounds, inbounds, and the occasional rebound
You simply cannot miss the potluck dinner

Volunteer opportunity with all three Indiana districts and "All IN" conference

The famous (infamous?) Calvin College Central States Conference

Leaving the US, the morning, at sunrise was the time to go! Let me tell ya, it was perfect.

My flight: 2 layovers, 24 hours, got on the plan when I was 15, got off and I was 16

Arriving in Taiwan and my 16th birthday

My beautiful first host family

The other lovely exchange students from my school
(Those flags are: Lithuania, Denmark, Brasil, and Slovakia btw)

My School and wonderful classmates

Chinese language class and the best teachers ever

First Conference in Taiwan to meet the other exchangers

Travel to Tainan

Rotary Event: pottery making

The Halloween party we (the exchange students) demanded

Thanksgiving

Coming of age ceremony complete with very choreographed and practiced dance

Christmas

2019!

My wonderful, patient 2nd host family

Chinese New Year at Yeye's house

fun times playing with fireworks

Trip to national park with 1st host family + David

The third host family whom I adore completely

Crazy, fun Rotary even of paint ball, bubble soccer, and foam archery (which I slay at by the way)

National Rotary Conference (yet another dance)

My terrific fourth host family

Mother's day

Penghu (heaven on earth) trip

My Taiwanese Rotary Club and all of our amazing times together

Dear Outbounds,

Over the past months I would write down advice that I wanted to tell future outbounds (those who are about to begin their exchange) If you are an outbound going to Taiwan read this. If you’re an outbound who is not going to Taiwan, there’s some good info in here for you too. I’m giving you the advice, but of course you decide to take it.

1. Don’t drink the tap water. Even if they have the special little faucet that you might have at home, don’t drink from that with out asking. In Taiwan all water must be boiled unless it comes from a water machine. You’ll know what that is when you see it.

2. Taiwan uses the same outlets and same voltage as the US. Find out what kind of outlets the country you’re going to uses BEFORE you leave. There is no point in bringing adapters that you can’t use.

3. Taipei is COLD in the winter. If you look up the weather of Taiwan you’re going to see that it doesn’t get below 45F in Taipei. That may be true but because of the humidity, the winter is bone-chilling. Southern Taiwan is warmer but you are still going to want to bring some warm clothes.

4. When you are sick or hurt don’t put off going to the doctor. In the US, because it’s so expensive, we don’t go to the doctor unless it’s BAD. Don’t worry about it here. Tell your host family right away. The doctors here are good and care is cheap. You will get sick. If you are coming from the US to Taiwan you will most likely be sick a lot. You don’t have the immunities yet to fight off Taiwanese illnesses. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger;)

5. Find out if you’re phone is locked BEFORE you leave. That’s a lot of trouble you don’t want to deal with in your host country.

6. Get Line and WhatsApp now. Other exchange, your host family, and your classmates will have a much easier time contacting you.

7. In Taiwan, if problems occur, you must actively contact your counselor. Get their Line and email. There are no monthly meetings like in other countries.

8. Stop freaking out about the language. Yes Chinese is hard and it will take you longer to speak in full  sentences than your friends who are in countries that have, for instance, an alphabet. Get HelloChinese, set it to Traditional, and start now. Do it every day you can. If you’re going to a different country get Duolingo.

9. Don’t press the red button in the bathroom. That is the emergency button and it will cause you a lot of embarrassment if you press it. Squat toilets usually have the flush beside the toilet but sometimes it’s a string above your head that you pull to flush.

10. Try all the food. If you’re picky, tell yourself that you aren’t. If the food is actually bad it will make a good story later:)

11. Buckle your seatbelt when you are in the passenger seat or on the highway. Even on the bus.

12. Bring bracelets to trade. You don’t really need to bring business cards. Use that money for pins. Big, fun pins.

13. Don’t feel guilty about hanging out with other exchangers. In your home country you will be told over and over to hang out with locals. In Taiwan that is often not possible. Your friends will have cram school until 9pm. Your curfew is 10pm usually. Even after a test if they don’t do well, their parents might punish them by not allowing them go out. You can hangout with other exchangers, I’m telling you it’s okay. Just be sure to be friendly with your classmates in school.

14. What makes or breaks your exchange is your mentality. If you think “why is all this bad shit happening to ME? What did I do?” It’ll make you lose control. If instead you think, “look at all this shit I’m overcoming! Nothing’s going to spoil my mood.” That is how you will feel.  Find something to do with the first two months. It’ll be hard but you are MUCH stronger than you think.

15. Go on all the trips. They will probably be the highlight of your exchange.

16. Unless it’s a cautionary tale, tune out stories from other countries. The cultures, language, trips, and Rotary are too different. Comparing your exchange with other's is never a good thing.

17. Figure out what you want and do that. You can.

18, To bring:
          • the flag of home and host country
          • Sponsor club banner
          • More than enough eye contacts and solution
          • gifts for four families

They are going to be much more appreciative of something that they can display rather than something that they can eat or wear. I really wish that I would have just went to a truck stop, bought some "Honest to Goodness Indiana" plates and given those as gifts. I am sure that they would have loved them.  

          • Different pin designs

TOCFL language test

The TOCFL is a globally recognized test of how familiar a person is with any given language. There are six levels, A1 through C2. Native speakers have to study for C2. When a person takes the test they must decide which level and category they are testing for. I was hoping for A2 but expecting A1.  The test I was taking was reading and listening. So I got up on Saturday morning and took the bus to Taipei University of education. I met David, William, and King, who will be my last host brother. There were a few other exchangers there, whom I had never met, but it was mostly just adult, foreigners who were living in Taiwan. We had a bit of trouble finding which room we were each in but we all got to our places on time. For some reason we weren’t allowed to wear shoes in the computer room. That was fine with me. I was comfortable in my little Tortoro socks. David on the other hand, was wearing sandals and the test room was quite chilly. The instructions were all in Chinese. My vocabulary does not include how to use volume or which one is the “next” button so I had to mostly guess on the pictures. The first question I guessed wrong. What I thought was the pause turned out to be the skip. I shook it off and kept going. I ended being four points away from A2 in listening and two in reading. That means I’m “intermediate-mid.” David got A2 for reading but he was disappointed that he didn’t get it for listening. After the test we went out for very tasty Mexican food. It was good. I’ll take it again in May and maybe I’ll get A2.
Thanks for reading,
Autumn Crisovan 丁晚秋

Translating for other Americans

My host sister is in the US for exchange. As far as I know she is having an amazing time in the grand ol’ state of Oregon. Her first host family are Mormon and their son was in Taiwan on a mission trip for the previous two years. So, my host sister’s host family came to Taiwan to see what their son had been up to. We picked them up from the airport Friday night. It was VERY strange to be back in the airport. I kept thinking about how I’ll be back there in two short months. 唉唉！But it was also nice because I got to eat New England clam chowder, which was something I’d been craving since I started my “Culture of the US” presentation;) We went out for dinner at a place my host mom said she had to go to the day before to be able to get us a table. The food was very good. Even I got to try a new dish of fried shrimp and pineapple with a light  mayonnaise on top. Their son has better Chinese than me (of course) but he was mostly talking, and translating for, Baba and his dad. I was translating for Mama and the mom. It might sound stressful to be translating but I felt really kick ass! I was the link between these two women and if I was a bit off with the meaning neither of them would know! It felt great! I always think my Chinese isn’t very good but if I can translate I must be doing something right!
Thanks for reading,
Autumn 丁晚秋

Poem: wandered here

For those who’ve wandered here

It seems those who won’t have nothing to fear.

But I remember how I trembled,

Afraid to be free of these strings I’d entangled.

They kept me down well, warm, and safe

But stuck me securely in one place.

Something kept me from being content,

So away with scissors, I quickly went.

Then without them holding me sound

I floated, terrifyingly, off the ground.

Time is quick to take me back

But now I know what we most lack.

I truly hope you will take a turn

For now my strings can never return.

Autumn Crisovan 丁婉秋

4/23/19

Poem: half a year ago

Well over half a year ago I left

A place that was my blood family’s nest.

Now there are people in a far off, foreign land

People, the thought of leaving I can hardly stand.

Completely strangers but over such little time

These people have become dear, new friends of mine.

Four more months and another family before it ends

But how will I ever leave this family who were once barely my friends.

Autumn Crisovan 丁婉秋

3/3/19