So I haven’t been completely honest with you all, as my readers. Exchange isn’t just going out every weekend and experiencing a different culture . It’s REALLY hard. There’ll be days when I’m pissed off or sad for what feels like no reason. Because my classmates have cram school all the time I feel like a really sucky exchange student because I only hang out with other exchange students. I have Taiwanese friends of course, some really good ones, but I only see them at school. Affer New Years I had this feeling of pointlessness that I couldn’t shake. I didn’t really realize it until other people started talking about the same feeling. That’s when I acknowledged it. The only subject we really learn in school is Chinese. Because of that we all feel like our Chinese should be a lot better than it is. We are tired of our health being shit and not being able to do anything about it. Sure, now we’ve forged tight friendships with people all of the world but those are people we will never see again. For me the fact that I was asking myself what I am doing here is really scary. Feeling like you don’t have much purpose is a really shitty way to feel. I know that I have a long ways to go and still a lot of time to learn. I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to people who are in countries that have fucking alphabets and there are a lot of reasons to be thankful for where I am. Sometimes it’s just hard to see those reasons. Hopefully it’ll get better and I think it will. Just got to stick out this rough patch.
Thanks for reading,
Autumn 丁晚秋
Hello, Beatuiful!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you might be a little down. Or are you just looking for sympathy? I did not even know you knew the kind of language you used in this blog post. On the other hand, you are an incredibly intelligent young woman. You know so much! And you have so, so much to learn!!
Know that you are loved. So many people smile to themselves very time they see your picture on you blog or think about you in the exotic land of dreams! You and your blogs are in inspiration to so many people who have never had the opportunity or the courage to take the path less traveled. You cannot know what kind of great deeds and blessings you will inspire by being you.
It is true. Some of the exchange students you meet, you will never see again after this year. You will be amazed at how few that actually will be. You will never again be that girl who left South Bend last summer. I am constantly amazed at how and where exchange students reconnect. I have not seen our Japanese son Ikko in a couple of years. But he is still in our hearts. He could call today and it would be like we were together yesterday. My grandkids still call him Uncle Ikko.
I never told you it would be easy. Just the most amazing year of your life.
Thank God for that. As a matter of fact, Dear, thank God for everything. Even for feeling like crap. It it only when you experience some crap that you can really appreciate and marvel at all the beautiful people God has put in your life.
Be Blessed!
Thanks you, Mike. I know that there may be even tougher times to come but I also know that there will be amazing times as well. I have learned a lot here and, like I said, will continue to learn. Thanks again for your support and happy year of the pig!
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